tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-366942842011-08-03T06:10:06.805+10:00a myriad of thoughts & ramblings through the world of dysfunction & depression.Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.comBlogger1661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-32729802305922570572010-10-04T03:08:00.000+11:002010-10-04T03:10:09.569+11:00

I've fought for so long and so hard, but do I really even want this anymore? Maybe I would be happier alone? I don't want to ever be hurt again the way I have been so maybe I should just run? I'm freaking out.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-18914298727097465962010-08-15T22:13:00.001+10:002010-08-15T22:16:32.487+10:00

oh my god, you will never understand just how much emotion i have for you. the way you consume me. all of me. there is not a part of myself that does not love you. i would go to the ends of the earth for you. i hate you. i love you. i hate you for hurting me. i hope you do really love me. i'm too scared to believe you. i'm frightened as all hell that i am about to be broken. this is the biggest

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-47450737705668107862010-05-20T14:59:00.001+10:002010-05-20T14:59:16.481+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-90746763656249448692010-05-20T14:56:00.000+10:002010-05-20T14:56:33.814+10:00

I don't have the answers you're looking for I'm not the question that you seek to find I can't watch you cry I never see you sing Your pain envelops me and takes my heart with it. I don't know to fix this other than to love you more.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-9703042873798598952010-05-20T14:54:00.000+10:002010-05-20T14:54:48.499+10:00

i drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door i've had you so many times but somehow i want more she will be loved. maroon five

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-87220125606537102992010-03-25T15:53:00.000+11:002010-03-25T15:53:44.249+11:00

Some days I still can't do this anymore. I can't be the person everyone else needs me to be. I can't be the person I need me to be. I'm hurt and scared and completely petrified. All I do is let people down. I need too much and I want too much. I never learnt to grow up and do things on my own. I'm trying to learn but I fear I keep going backwards. I'm over it. There is no point really.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-22114103416014516562010-01-15T02:08:00.000+11:002010-01-15T02:08:00.691+11:00

I've been writing here sporadically for a few years now and it's quite surreal because I still have no idea how on earth to give this blog purpose. It's a writers failure for a variety of reasons. So for now it's sleepytime. If you stumble across me please visit enrapture where i've started with what i plagarise best - pictures and songs, hopefully in the near future it will become more of a

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-71938460993310425632009-11-04T22:37:00.000+11:002009-11-04T22:37:19.755+11:00

I have been through way too much in my life to compromise any part of who I am for anyone. I need to be strong to deal with my own head. Nobody is allowed to even want to take that away from me. At the end of the day we only have ourselves and we have to live and be happy with the decisions we make.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-33811658624097657552009-10-26T17:20:00.000+11:002009-10-26T17:20:46.412+11:00

My world is so cold without you here but yet all the heartbreak and hurt scares me beyond belief.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-33046195894349951862009-10-11T02:25:00.000+11:002009-10-11T02:25:36.761+11:00

I am broken and i am never going to be fixed. My heart breaks and I only ever have myself to blame. I am a mess. A broken fucked up pathetic mess. I want it to all go away. I can't deal with the pain anymore. I just want to die alone and be miserable alone until that point. I don't deserve any fucking happiness cause all i do is take it away from others. My parents don't fight unless I am there

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-51785150430692602292009-10-08T00:10:00.001+11:002009-10-08T00:10:29.759+11:00

why must my mind and body constantly betray me? i would just like a moments peace please.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-79399676703039373492009-09-26T00:07:00.000+10:002009-09-26T00:07:28.698+10:00

beautifully damaged?

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-17492824451776115952009-09-26T00:02:00.002+10:002009-09-26T00:02:29.532+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-16348706494850543772009-09-25T23:59:00.003+10:002009-09-25T23:59:51.629+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-70101916756429734972009-09-25T23:53:00.000+10:002009-09-25T23:53:37.162+10:00

she's taking her time making up the reasons to justify all the hurt inside guess she knows, from the smile and the look in their eyes everyone's got a theory about the beautiful one.. she can't remember a time when she felt needed if love was red then she was colour blind. moon & back - savage garden

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-23621748689088737552009-09-25T23:06:00.000+10:002009-09-25T23:06:31.641+10:00

why is there so much pain surrounding my body, my mind, my limbs, it's there constantly zapping me, forcing me to feel everything in technicolor. why is it so hard to live? i never feel good enough, i feel a failure, disabled, ridiculed.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-32857317109130047232009-09-24T00:10:00.003+10:002009-09-24T00:11:42.496+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-73138534516146719502009-09-24T00:04:00.002+10:002009-09-24T00:10:10.756+10:00

we don't talk about lovewe only want to get drunkand we are not allowed to spendas we are told that this is the enda design for life - manic street preachers

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-8750645442976263692009-09-24T00:02:00.000+10:002009-09-24T00:03:04.770+10:00

maybe i just need more time.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-27503687229353028112009-09-18T00:40:00.000+10:002009-09-18T00:42:01.546+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-69214480374374068322009-09-17T22:56:00.003+10:002009-09-17T23:03:53.285+10:00

I am in such a state right now. I've found someone who I am petrified of making the same destructive mistakes with. I don't trust myself to not fuck things up. And I feel like I already am. I put on the pressure and get all needy and probably make him want a little space - which is completely reasonable - but not something I am good at. Fuck I am good at making things complicated. I've been

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-38160829451477017262009-09-11T01:08:00.002+10:002009-09-11T01:10:15.785+10:00

These days it constantly surprises me how much I surprise myself. And there I go throwing words in circles again. I love being alone now. After years of craving company I have learnt to like myelf and enjoy my own company. BEST THING EVER.but nothing shocks me more than how much i LOVE living alone... control finally i have control. HA I WISH.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-59071602868571804832009-08-10T20:29:00.001+10:002009-08-10T20:30:59.120+10:00

Why is it so hard for people to understand? Why do I constantly feel like i need to apologise for being who I am? Why is that such an issue.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-84267967518425318922009-06-20T12:59:00.001+10:002009-06-20T13:01:36.803+10:00

time for a change!http://pensare.tumblr.com/

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-63015453717276919962009-05-07T12:58:00.001+10:002009-05-07T12:58:58.124+10:00

I feel so invisible lately. If I disappeared who would notice? Who would care?

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-46055129776910663692009-04-19T15:46:00.003+10:002009-04-19T15:49:16.431+10:00

I'm sitting here on this delightfully gloomy Sunday afternoon feeling like it's morning listening to mellow, lovelorn music, dreaming of what was once and what could be. Lover please do not fall to your kneesIt's not like I believe in everlasting love.I'm confused but crazy, but having fun but playing myself for a fool. I have no idea what comes next and if it should or not. Who? Where? Why?

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-6377544178411907782009-04-17T00:38:00.002+10:002009-04-17T00:41:19.407+10:00

Wow, well I guess my life got a little messy there for a while? Oh who the hell am I kidding? It's still messy... but you know what? It's wicked fun. I think i'm headed to hell in a handbasket but we shall see what happens. I'm careful to not reveal too much.. but boys are very very dangerous and potent beings. Remember that Lovelies.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-15479350360592028672009-04-12T03:32:00.002+10:002009-04-12T03:37:45.611+10:00

My soul remains chainedChained in ribbons of loveRibbons of love that tie me downTie me down in a sea of hurt and despairHurt and despair that makes me long for youLong for you in a way I never knew beforeNow everyday, when the night is dark & still, I lie here and wish for you. Wish for peace, love, dreams and your happiness.I wish you would come back to me. I miss you. why? I do not know.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-14750532964044577172009-04-10T03:03:00.000+10:002009-04-10T03:04:22.022+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-89863338000921838312009-04-09T02:08:00.001+10:002009-04-09T02:11:08.421+10:00

Cheyne, why do I miss you more the more time that elapses? Especially at 2am... We had something dammit.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-50644109631344175952009-04-07T02:17:00.002+10:002009-04-07T02:23:18.606+10:00

Why do I lay awake and dream of the loves that will never be? I close my eyes and it's only them that I see. They haunt my thoughts, pushing and pullingForcing a reaction out of me. I want to escape, move on, fuck someone elseTrapped in these chains, locked and caged. Two boys I miss, Two boys who don't want me.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-5626544845799926182009-03-29T23:34:00.001+11:002009-03-29T23:35:11.353+11:00

It is seriously time for some reinvention. I haven't felt this empowered since I was a teenager but the difference this time is that I feel completely in control of my life and what happens next.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-24439145720404640592009-03-29T22:40:00.000+11:002009-03-29T22:41:08.122+11:00

stop haunting my mind my dreams my space give me time to breatheto relaxto finally just bei'm not the girl you think i ami never will bemystery, intensity and curiousitypick a wordand then we shall see.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-70324435450392908172009-03-26T01:11:00.003+11:002009-03-26T01:18:02.020+11:00

Since you've been gone i have inherited your diseaseDamn youI'm not interested in playing catch up with my mindAll I want is to be left in peacePlease baby please4.30am musings from last nightThe streetlight that shines in from my window only highlights your illustrious delusions of grandeurSleeping I am Not.Staking Out a Plot.A place to hideTo see, feel, recoverall this pain that I have

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-731619236388137932009-03-25T01:27:00.003+11:002009-03-25T01:38:12.730+11:00

Well it ended, on Saturday morning none the less. He called it and i'm kind of glad he did? I'm hopeless at letting go.. I just keep pushing and pushing and pushing until I annihilate everything that there ever was to start with. I've been dealing with it really well, minimal fb stalking, haven't cried since Sat and I kinda feel relieved? The truth of the matter? I don't know what I want? What I

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-61513200718454276042009-03-21T01:22:00.000+11:002009-03-21T01:23:25.448+11:00

i want more than anyone can ever give. i make NO apologies for it.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-23726443846625655742009-03-21T01:09:00.003+11:002009-03-21T01:20:03.776+11:00

Frick I am in such a foul fucking mood.So sick of being jerked around and made to feel ignored.NOT ANY FUCKING MORE.I'm DONE.GROW THE FUCK UP AND STOP PLAYING GAMES. and maybe one day you will actually have a chance to accept everything that hangs over your head.You have the potential to be a pretty awesome person to someone someday. Try not to make things harder for the potentials in the

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-2280102072821485702009-03-18T00:51:00.003+11:002009-03-18T01:30:09.307+11:00

This probably belongs at Aliceinateacup but the effort to maintain two blogs is just beyond me right now! So those of you who enjoy my pensive musings beware! I can be very vapid and beige!Top- Saba AW08Skirt- Zara SS07/08Stockings- Johnathon Aston FishnetsNecklace- CR SS08/09

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-73208132944921876712009-03-14T20:13:00.002+11:002009-03-14T20:14:09.221+11:00

It never seems to amaze me how doing the wrong thing can make you burn for the one thing in the world you want more than anything.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-83526206861555685452009-03-14T20:12:00.001+11:002009-03-14T20:12:40.314+11:00

i'm lying in my bed wide awake and wonderingwhere you are, why you leftwho you kissed, who you fuckedand why i wasn't good enough to break your heart?i've missed you a thousand times overstuck inside your minddreaming of a better time, a better placea fairytale ending that will never be minewhy did i bother?who was i to change your world?you abused me.you fucked me.you took everything you

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-6170140264544744182009-03-12T01:48:00.004+11:002009-03-12T02:00:52.806+11:00

it frustrates me to feel like i have to say goodbye to someone that i haven't really had the chance to feel this way about. and i guess it's my own fault. i'm the one calling it. i want too much. i need more than anyone will ever be able to give me. i give more than i ever should. the curse of a woman who loves too much. but goddamm it. I AM worth it. if you can't see that, see that i am able to

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-11882155745002833732009-03-11T01:33:00.003+11:002009-03-11T02:20:43.702+11:00

Cheyne.. this one is for you.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-49771425620211872452009-03-11T00:34:00.002+11:002009-03-11T00:54:16.254+11:00

I haven't felt like this in ages. Obviously the synthetic chemicals are doing their job.'and i'm going to be a high as a kite by then'i'm bemused to be told to stop acting like i'm someone i'm not. the truth is neither you nor i knows exactly who or what i am right now. I'm an unknown quantity - a loose canon.Nothing Changes. Wait I Lie.Everything Changes.fuck pretending to be little miss weak

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-2159472703941043412009-03-10T01:05:00.002+11:002009-03-10T01:08:12.798+11:00

I have come further than anyone or I will ever realise.I have achieved so many of my goals and where I am now, is where I have wanted to be for so long.Living. Hurting. Loving. Drinking. Sleeping. Socialising.It's time to take the next step. I am so ready for it.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-21998320037148546002009-03-10T00:57:00.002+11:002009-03-10T01:04:26.047+11:00

Dear Michael,I've been missing you a lot lately. Wanting to call you and .... well that is as far as I get.I guess I want to know what happened, but I know what happened. You Left ME for HER. Without a trace. Gone in a whisper.I'm sorry for making you unhappy, I'm sorry I never really gave you a chance to just be the amazing guy that you were to me. Honestly, I have no idea how you put up with

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-85437729656349457832009-03-05T22:29:00.002+11:002009-03-05T23:46:42.107+11:00

the guilty get no sleep in the quiet slow hours of morningexperience is cheapi should have listened to the warning.why have these words been swirling around my mind for the past two days? neil finn has a way with words that speak to me, but why these ones?regret? wishing i'd never even bothered with this mess in the first place?show me there is something there. something worth sticking around for

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-38543963607289188452009-03-02T00:46:00.003+11:002009-03-02T00:49:13.928+11:00

He swung open the door and stormed out of their room. Following closely behind, sobbing as if her life depended upon it, was her.Her with the long, flowing, angelic, blonde hair. Her with the crystal, sparkling blue eyes. Her with the soul broken into a million pieces. Her with the heart given solely to him.He couldn't comprehend her, the actions, the noises, the words. None of it made sense to

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-11897549699129501702009-02-26T19:22:00.002+11:002009-02-26T19:24:29.722+11:00

So drained, tired, pulse is racing, heart is skipping beats. None of it is good.Sick of the drama, sick of the merry-g0-round, sick of the boys and the heartache.I can't even express what I want to feel, or what I do feel. All these words keep spewing forth, playing games in my head.Peace, Sanity. LIFE.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-46424399741577205152009-02-26T16:52:00.002+11:002009-02-26T16:56:16.969+11:00

What is there to say?What is there to do?I'm stuck in this vortexcreated entirely by youYou swept me upHelped me fallPushed me awayAnd made me crawlI don't know where toAnd I don't know whyThe thoughts on repeatkeep forcing me to tryWho are you?Why are you here?I didn't give you the rightto play around and interfereStop questioningStart thinkingDreaming, Hopingand wishingIf only you would take a

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-55119535476567987072009-02-24T00:25:00.003+11:002009-02-24T00:30:40.355+11:00

Self Respect will make me Happy. I wish I didn't struggle with this concept so much. Nobody should like someone who cuts you at your core with no reason why. From now on, I trust my instinct. No exceptions. It took one boy to ruin it for them all. So why do I hold on? Onto the promise of friendship, of something. A flicker of hope. I don't deserve this. Goodbye?

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-60850996696348892802009-02-23T23:10:00.000+11:002009-02-23T23:12:57.308+11:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-43052561889117633352009-02-22T03:04:00.005+11:002009-03-02T00:32:51.710+11:00

You know what? Fuck this.Fuck trying to write something meaningful & expressive.I'll write what I feel and attempt something repressive.You think you're the only bitch who can rhyme?Leaving me ashamed and deluded is somewhat of a crimeIt's games you want is it?Beware the wicked witchesI've been here beforeI've been fucked on this floorPush me hard enough and you'll hurt yourself morePainful,

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-71716424031282621942009-02-20T16:03:00.002+11:002009-02-20T16:46:40.460+11:00

situations running through my head, well looking back through time,you know it's clear i've been blind, i've been a fool, to open up my heart,to all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule.if you want it come and get it for crying out loud.- Babylon: David GreyI consider myself to be rather confused. I don't know what it is exactly that you want from me.I've hit the wall. Stay or Go? Hurt

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-91156200275825655452009-02-17T03:03:00.002+11:002009-02-17T03:21:18.537+11:00

And what exactly is it that you want?We trip around each other using words and vague references conveying some emotion that the other never entirely gets.There is clearly a connection, a pulse, a concept that we both agree on, that explains on some level why it is so.But i'm not sure that is what I want?What I do WantTo be myself, no holds barredTo say what I want about how I feelTo challenge and

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-67003523368461309772009-02-16T01:13:00.002+11:002009-02-16T01:32:13.843+11:00

I cannot convey what it is that I want to say. Ah fuck that rhymes. It's not supposed to. I'm not the lyrical one contrary to popular and self belief.I want to write about where I'm at, but the truth is... I'm not sure I want to know.I seem to be falling, falling into the deep black abyss that sucks and swirls, taking your life and your heart and everything that you have.I left the most intense

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-3285489816680264142009-01-18T19:32:00.002+11:002009-01-18T19:34:39.771+11:00

I seem to be living a surreal existance. I don't know which way to turn, if I should pinch myself and wake up? I'm surprised at the way things have changed but are relatively similar. I didn't expect this. That doesn't mean I don't want it. But where to now?

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-25912078343555008742009-01-07T00:12:00.002+11:002009-01-07T00:16:32.839+11:00

Lately there doesn't seem to be an awful lot going on inside my vapid head. I don't know where to turn or what to do. The drugs do work but do they make me worse? Do I have bipolar or is it just the pills? Am I better like this or is going cold turkey a better choice? I hate this shit. It stresses me out so much to the point where I'm exhausted and have no interest in anything else but getting my

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-87941579592218708892009-01-01T23:20:00.002+11:002009-01-01T23:37:07.271+11:00

"Sometimes it's like someone took a knife babyedgy and dull and cut a six-inch valleythrough the middle of my soul"I'm on fire: Bruce Springsteen

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-49086884497572164382009-01-01T23:16:00.002+11:002009-01-01T23:20:10.243+11:00

I think 2009 might just be the year that I finally start living. 2008 turned out to be the year that I got my shit together finally and worked out who the hell i am and that i am completely comfortable with that. I have never felt so liberated as I have in the last few months of 08. For once I'm not just making idle promises to myself. I'm actually doing it. And i'm doing it for me... not for

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-79940710111499920492008-12-27T19:37:00.001+11:002008-12-27T19:38:55.216+11:00

It's not often in life that things just feel right or at least somewhat normal as opposed to awkward and shallow.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-33509781805864884852008-11-25T00:37:00.001+11:002008-11-25T00:38:33.257+11:00

If anyone has tickets to see Bon Iver at the Sydney Festival for any date but the 24th of Jan, I will happily pay $$$$$$$ for them.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-91023021961362377282008-11-25T00:20:00.002+11:002008-11-25T00:24:06.469+11:00

Just when everything is swimming along quite nicely and some sense of normality has returned to my life, something happens to upset the equilibrium and keep me on on the tips of my toes. And to be honest I'm not even sure what that something is or what it means.I won't be manipulated a second time round. I am a lot more in control of my life, decisions and destiny than anyone gives me credit

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-61938148189194221922008-10-01T22:33:00.002+10:002008-10-01T22:37:51.498+10:00

I just realised that I submitted a well overdue essay today without actually finishing my in text referencing. Whoops. Even worse is the fact that I'd rather just leave it than go back and fix it and own up to my mistake.I know I have great potential - I just don't like to invest in myself. I'm too scared of failing - or even worse - succeeding and discovering that I am still unhappy within

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-3294779421525506082008-09-29T21:49:00.003+10:002008-09-29T21:52:08.808+10:00

i'm watching denton interview nigella and she is just divine. i want to be nigella.denton: 'you studied medieval languages at oxford. have you had much call for it?'nigella: 'that's a vulgar way to think of an education'excuse the paraphrasing

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-91607053021045012222008-09-29T20:43:00.002+10:002008-09-29T20:50:42.324+10:00

I think my shell may be starting to crack, in a good way though - the getting out of bed and facing up to the world way. I've finally got some closure on the whole debaucle (well at least some finality if that's what you call finding pics on facebook of him with his new girlfriend).I'm still pretty pissed that after four years he was a complete coward - waiting for me to dig my own hole and

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-71144370621370798602008-09-27T22:32:00.003+10:002008-09-27T22:37:13.884+10:00

this is a post about a wonderful blog that i have come across thanks to the wonder of vogue forums. this girl has an amazing way with words and i must say i have never felt so inspired by prose before. so if you like lovely words and musings head over to a girl called ness and be swept away.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-23479095646714275272008-09-23T23:48:00.001+10:002008-09-23T23:50:34.040+10:00

I have a feeling that things might just be ok. At least for the moment. Time to get back on track I think ?

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-87151610139908160722008-09-13T03:39:00.002+10:002008-09-13T04:00:47.615+10:00

So I'm sure that those who actually follow my ramblings will have noticed the switch back to the 'dark' blog, the sinister one where i write about my feelings and stuff rather than discuss the virtues of bows and babydoll dresses like i do at the other.. explanation = breakup = i have no idea where i'm at right now so dark emotions seemed the logical path.It's a funny world we live in - twenty

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-67151376750593812162008-09-10T01:38:00.003+10:002008-09-10T01:45:18.245+10:00

damm.so i lost him.i went through everything and enveloped myself in making him happy and all I did in typical fashion was make him miserable. and fuck it kills me. I've never been so much more in love with this man than I am right now and he no longer loves me.IDIOT. (this is my blog -i'm allowed to be self depracating and whiney)and it's really fucking over, not a break, not even space. It's

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-51418684848501893482008-06-22T23:54:00.002+10:002008-06-22T23:59:10.530+10:00

I made a promise to myself many years ago and watching Under the Tuscan Sun tonight just rekindled it..When I am married with kids, and they're not quite teenagers I'm going to whisk them away to Udine for a year, just to experience the culture and show them what their heritage is.It's funny, I'm a 3rd generation Italian (from mum) and secretly I'm very Italian in my ways but that's the whole

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-88788511079262400002008-06-16T20:59:00.001+10:002008-12-10T02:06:32.299+11:00

ok... so maybe he's supposedly not playing a raunchy role but that doesn't mean we can't dream.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-79467295577123471482008-06-11T00:32:00.002+10:002008-06-11T01:06:11.235+10:00

Current Lemmings.... *hint hint* Marc Jacobs mouse watch Benefit Posie TintDigital CameraIpod TouchTickets to the WombatsDeath cab for cutie albumNARS Orgasm BlushToo Faced Shadow InsurancePOP eye class blue eyes and to be perfectly honest... anything from Kit would make me a very happy person.... (now lets see if anyone actually reads this)

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-51940355645825572122008-06-06T22:18:00.004+10:002008-06-06T22:21:23.235+10:00

this song is up there in the christine list of black depressive music and damm i love it." And until you repay the dreams you bought with your lies "

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-46727853022577489352008-06-05T23:55:00.002+10:002008-06-05T23:58:48.638+10:00

time to start watching desperate housewives again... seems gale harold is succumbing to white picket fences...

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-46161054452287226242008-06-03T23:02:00.003+10:002008-06-03T23:43:33.961+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-16305405540890242432008-06-03T00:11:00.002+10:002008-06-03T00:54:23.804+10:00

"how can anyone feel so wild? how can anyone feel so blue?"

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-61276082140557577622008-06-02T19:11:00.003+10:002008-12-10T02:06:32.861+11:00

"Almost Ready"If only life were that simple.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-41979074441992881342008-06-02T15:23:00.003+10:002008-06-02T15:30:25.524+10:00

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.”RIP YSL http://www.ysl-hautecouture.com/

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-36038200724182256822008-06-02T01:32:00.000+10:002008-06-02T01:35:18.372+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-25637455272338406622008-06-02T00:49:00.002+10:002008-06-02T00:54:06.552+10:00

It is quite ironic the perplexing situation I find myself embroiled in on this fairly poignant Sunday night in May. Ironic - I destroyed the one thing in my life that I can clearly see now is the only thing I need to live. Perplexing - It is confusing feeling as though you have to fight for the affection of ones partner of four years. Poignant - Second yearly cycles of the May/June phenomena

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-70284322802587730992008-05-27T00:15:00.002+10:002008-05-27T00:30:34.443+10:00

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feelI focused on the pain, the only thing that's realThe needle tears a hole, the old familiar stingTry to kill it all awayBut I remember everythingWhat have I become?My sweetest friendEveryone I know, goes away in the end. And you could have it all my empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liar's chair

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-74838578037569141522008-05-23T23:45:00.003+10:002008-05-23T23:50:15.165+10:00

why is it whenever i type something hugely prolific, blogger crashes. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-70678498056288973672008-05-18T01:23:00.003+10:002008-05-18T01:34:38.677+10:00

"My best friend took a weeks’ vacation to forget her, his girl took a weeks’ worth of valium and slept.Now he's guilt-ridden sobbing with his head on the floor, thinks about her now and how he never really wept.He says 'I can't be held responsible, she was touching her face. I won't be held responsible; she fell in Love in the first place.”- The Freshman; the Verve Pipe

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-14335849286701697632008-05-18T01:16:00.000+10:002008-12-10T02:06:33.387+11:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-78341574885372619012008-05-16T17:46:00.002+10:002008-05-16T17:50:13.138+10:00

Does anyone have a holiday they would like to take me on? I'd like very much to escape my world right now, it just hurts too much. I'm back to my rituals of self amusement to avoid the chaos of my mind. I am hurt but I am the hurter. Why is it so hard to be the strong one? Why aren't I allowed to cry, scream, kick and fly.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-37565175357021984632008-05-16T17:40:00.000+10:002008-12-10T02:06:33.600+11:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-50649590509826706982008-05-15T22:23:00.003+10:002008-05-15T22:33:55.201+10:00

hehe this is an awesome song. ever so catchy and perky and so far removed from my usual emo style depressive music everyone thought i would be listening to at this humiliatingly awkward time of life. do watch. and enjoy.in other news i'm still a complete mess and really have no idea what role i am playing in this distorted picture. i'm just devastated. and hurt. just cause I did the bad thing

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-80561687510549745492008-05-14T01:48:00.002+10:002008-05-14T01:49:23.630+10:00

Queer as Folk will be my saviour... one of the more sedate scenes.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-76150279836523867172008-05-14T00:40:00.000+10:002008-05-14T00:42:44.771+10:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-30221725568138630052008-05-13T22:39:00.004+10:002008-05-13T23:53:19.290+10:00

Feeling inspired but somewhat dazed and confused. Life has changed I think - a lack of contact leaves things either up in the air or clear cut. I'm not exactly sure which is right path. Responsibility is a word I keep hearing, that I need to take, that I shouldn't take it, that it and I don't agree. I don't really understand to perfectly honest. I'm quite numb and I think everyone but me would

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-21308362224379417942008-05-12T21:23:00.000+10:002008-05-12T21:24:24.259+10:00

alone and i have no idea what on earth to do with myself.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-5768457161738718442008-05-11T19:10:00.001+10:002008-05-11T19:12:34.813+10:00

and so it happens. I am alone.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-12230292102627487102008-04-06T00:45:00.000+11:002008-04-06T01:12:18.878+11:00

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-80840806050313712102008-04-06T00:35:00.003+11:002008-04-06T00:45:29.867+11:00

Christine's Saturday Night Stream of ConciousnessBlankness leads to bleakness, comes from white, confusion, disbelief. where am i? who am i? I know who I am but who the freak are you? Coy, Shy, Hope to god nobody is actually reading this, but then why am i blogging it? Unanswered Questions reign supreme. Fashion is amusement, it covers our souls, engages our minds and represents. I really hate

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-50347512126046122212008-03-14T23:31:00.003+11:002008-05-13T23:54:23.430+10:00

"Baby I've been here before I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"- Hallelujah; Jeff Buckley

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-58208201535661932172008-03-11T00:34:00.002+11:002008-05-13T23:54:47.748+10:00

"so let the love tear us apartI found the cure for a broken heartlet it tear us apart"the wombats

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-65486629136117236702008-03-11T00:29:00.003+11:002008-03-11T00:34:04.127+11:00

Watched Synchronicity tonight, in the famed SBS 10pm Monday night timeslot (home to QAF, Shameless and Skins). Not bad for a mini series, reminds me a little of Tripping Over for some reason but it seems addictive viewing anyways. My exciting news for the week is that in a few weeks time Gale Harold is on Grey's !!!! :) :) :)only guest starring though.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-91005203505750121812008-03-05T21:22:00.002+11:002008-03-05T21:25:01.729+11:00

Well, life goes on. through it all. sometimes i feel as though i am a living, breathing, example. talking about Adverse Drug Reactions at uni. oh wow, gee i had one of those last week. how ironic. can't wait for third year and mental health. should be a breeze for me. amusing.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-74615347410972776432008-02-18T22:26:00.002+11:002008-05-13T23:55:23.209+10:00

i need a new holiday to plan.

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36694284.post-63590450628111496412008-01-27T01:21:00.001+11:002008-01-27T01:29:08.372+11:00

So I am in Hanoi. The flights over weren't too bad (food was horrible) except for the fact that Thair Airways managed to break my brand new suitcase. VERY unhappy, went to their office today to complain but to no avail so I have to report it on Monday when I get to the airport. GRRRRRRHanoi is interesting, its quite cold here at the moment - much like a Sydney winter. The traffic is intense,

Christine-Louisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09385054087305885268noreply@blogger.com0